The Soulmate Experience
The Soulmate experience is described by the authors as something you create. It's a choice followed by a set of actions that can be taken in any relationship, to make it a truly fulfilling experience. Here are my key takeaways from this book:
1) Define a context for your relationship
“We create happiness by providing the best in entertainment for people of all ages everywhere”, is Disney's brand purpose. The idea is to create a vision that guides your relationship with someone — a starting point for making decisions and facing challenges. This can either be something you both embrace, or an individual context.
Here are a couple of examples:
“I will appreciate and make the most out of every moment with x”
”We will both develop our gifts and support mutual growth”
"We will use everything that happens to bring us closer together”
“I am fully responsible for having my needs met”
2) Ask "What is here to be appreciated?"
This subtle question helps to shift the negative lens to a more positive one. Thus facing tough situations with a different attitude — one that will allow for a better outcome and partnership growth.
3) Manage your Expectations
Most arguments arise from unfulfilled expectations. When putting this way, the solution seems obvious: distance yourself from the expectations you have for your partner. “How likely is this expectation going to give me satisfaction in the future?”
The authors recommend turning expectations into invitations. Instead of having the expectation of being taken to dinner, why not ask the other person out? Instead of hoping for a visit, why not suggest an activity together?
4) From Jealousy to Appreciation
The approach is simple: every time you are feeling jealous, get in the habit of listing all the aspects you appreciate in your partner. Come from a place of love. Not fear. Develop the awareness of coming from fear, and ask "what this would like if I came from a loving place?"
5) Play leapfrog
Be present in each leap of your partner's journey and support their passions. A great idea is to commit to some activity your partner really enjoys and engage fully in the experience. Playing the piano, surfing, baking, or reading. You don't need to make it your passion. But the simple act of appreciating what the other person enjoys deepens the connection.
“Your beliefs create your experience and that what you believe is up to you—and life will begin to flow much more easily.”