How to Build Self-Discipline
As human beings, we pride ourselves on being the only self-conscious species on the planet. We have a language to express ourselves and foster communities, which collectively results in technological progress. From sending each other letters that take ages to deliver, we have come to a point where the Internet connects every single individual on the planet, with just a few clicks. However, the instant access to a world of information came with a price — a severe difficulty to manage distractions and handle discomfort.
The fragmented human being of the 21st century is torn between being calm and skipping meditation; between having a healthier body and eating that last slice of chocolate cake; between being productive and scrolling endlessly. It almost seems like there are parts of us that want something different from what ‘we’ want. For instance, some people lock their refrigerator doors at night so that they wouldn’t be tempted to have a midnight snack. There seems to be an almost aggressive confrontation between what we want to do and what we end up doing.
It is possible to change that, to merge all parts of you into a unified whole so that you can live your life the way you intend to. The solution lies in building Self-Discipline. It may not seem so, but self-discipline has a lot to do with having trust in ourselves. When committing to finishing a certain task, hitting the gym or waking up early, trust is built and thus a greater capacity to reach higher levels of success.
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Why Is It So Difficult to Build Discipline?
Before discussing the ways to build self-discipline, it is crucial to understand the reasons that lead us to fail the promises we make to ourselves. After all, every journey begins with a ‘knowing thyself’.
Fear of discomfort
There has been extensive research on what causes us to avoid what we really want to finish. It is not a lack of clarity, ambition or proactivity. Instead, it is avoidance of what causes discomfort and anxiety. People who want to get in shape seem to struggle with practising exercise every day. They lack the discipline that is required to face resistance and the initial discomfort of the workout.
Tempting Distractions
Another reason leading to an inability to stick to our goals is all the distractions surrounding us. The constant buzz of the phone, the email notifications, the web-surfing, and the latest news. Giving in to all of these streams of immediate pleasure reveals a lack of self-discipline, which have a negative role in what is accomplished during the day. In the end, it is a choice — a choice to finish writing an essay, before picking up the phone.
Lack of Compassion
I can't stress this enough. How do you react when you indulge in distractions and don't accomplish what you have set up to? You can't cultivate awareness and develop your self-discipline while labelling yourself lazy and useless. The self-fulfilling prophecy and the confirmation bias will tell you so. If you keep attaching your identity to negativity, you will, indeed, find it.
So how do you go from knowing yourself to disciplining yourself? Let me put forward some very useful tips to begin to have a trusting relationship with your own self; leading towards better focus and discipline.
HOW TO BUILD SELF-DISCIPLINE
Challenging Your Comforting Voice
You know the voice. The one whispering to continue scrolling, instead of beginning the work. The one that prefers Netflix over the workout. The voice that keeps pushing you towards comfort, and not progress. There is one thing standing between you and that voice: challenge. You can challenge the voice by doing what you had set up to do. The voice will calm down when you have the courage to start.
Make Small Promises to Yourself
As previously mentioned, self-discipline is built with trust. If you are struggling to build trust, you have to start small. Don't commit to work-out 4 days a week, for the next year. Instead, commit to 10 jumping jacks, today. You have never meditated before. Why not starting for just 3 minutes of awareness? You can do 3 minutes. You can start building trust and gaining momentum.
I have, multiple times, commit to writing for 1 hour daily. And I surely have done it. But not for long though. The problem was not the 1-hour, as I'm sure I could eventually reach that goal. The problem was the starting point. I was starting from a place of frustration, where I did not see any consistency in my writing schedule, and 1-hour seemed like a great idea. Of course, it was not. Going from a place of 0 minutes of writing in multiple days to 60 daily minutes was a shot in the foot in trust-building. Instead, I could have started with 5 minutes — I could easily have written for 5 minutes, build trust, and exceed the goal on most days. Instead, I wrote for 1 hour inconsistently and had started to believe I could never be disciplined when writing.
Remember, it is about developing trust within yourself. So, make sure it is a very small promise that you can definitely keep. Keep practising with little things and you can eventually move on to bigger ones.
Find Your Reason
You must have noticed that your motivation towards a task is at maximum right when you feel excited about it. You may hate waking up early for work, but on the days there is a plane to be caught, oh boy. The ‘motive’ for something represents the ‘why’ of it. Why is it that you want to lose weight? Why do you want more money? Question yourself about the core reasons for your actions and you will find yourself more aligned with your goals and able to increase your discipline. Sometimes we may be desiring things that we don’t really want in reality. We go through life taking on other people’s expectations of us and then killing ourselves fulfilling them.
Find out what it is that fuels your motivation and you may realize what is setting you back. If you are a perfectionist, for instance, you may be delaying sending in that report for fear of making a mistake. Learning to question your motivation and redirecting it can have a monumental effect on your discipline.
Eliminate Distractions
I was tempted to name this sub-section "Reduce Distractions". Unfortunately, it is not enough. You can't be on the lookout to build your self-discipline if you are falling into the path of least resistance — a path of distraction.
Another important thing to do is to limit the temptations or distractions that keep leading you astray. If you are hoping to quit smoking, let’s say, there are going to be various scenarios that can tempt you. For instance, if you smoke on your terrace every day, you might crave a smoke when you go outside. If you smoked with every cup of coffee, drinking a cup might trigger a desire to smoke again.
One way you can limit temptation is by replacing an old hobby with a new one. So, now that you have quit smoking, you can have a biscuit with each cup of coffee. If you are looking to add a new habit, such as exercising every day, the same technique can be applied by using an old habit to add on to.
Daily, Weekly Goals and Deadlines
Nothing beats the old carrot and stick routine that has worked for humans for thousands of years. I recommend avoiding the stick; punishing yourself for tasks not done barely ever works as a disciplining technique. What you can do instead is set daily or weekly goals for yourself. If you manage to achieve them, promise yourself a prize in the form of something you really want. Children are often treated with candy if they finish their homework on time, and it seems to work out spectacularly for the parents.
If you are struggling with beginning a task and find yourself procrastinating, set a visible and measurable goal for yourself with a deadline.
“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret and disappointment.”